IVF: The Beginning

Let's go back to 2019.
My husband and I are 29 years old, living in Chelsea, Manhattan, for almost a year and made the decision we are ready for children. Did we second guess ourselves.. of course! But we did know we wanted to expand our family, and we did know we were at the right stage in our lives. Stable income, married for five years, happy, healthy, ready for the next step. 

Removed my IUD and I thought it would be easy. I was convinced by Christmas 2019, I would be pregnant. But, something went wrong. We didn’t follow the linear path everyone talks about, what your parents tell you, what your teachers teach you. There was a problem. 

So we try, and try, for months, doing what we normally would, however with more attention to my ovulation days. I saw that promising double line of the pregnancy test, but only for three consecutive days.

January 2020 comes along, and my 30th birthday. Now I am starting to be concerned. What is the problem? Is it me? Is it my husband? I make my first appointment at Weill Cornell Reproductive Medicine. Go to the appointment, explain my story -- my doctor’s wife is from the city in Canada where I grew up, so the commonality makes me feel comfortable, I even brought my dog with no problems. My doctor reassures me I am in the right place, and we will figure out a solution to my problem. 

Now fast forward January, February, March. Going in a few times a week, monitoring hormone levels, lining thickness, and cycle length. No answers yet, but not worried, enjoying pre-covid life, moved with my husband to a beautiful apartment in the Upper East Side, and still getting my period every month. A little disappointing, because again, I was under the impression getting pregnant was easy. And it definitely is for most.. When you don’t have a problem.  

So here is my question: Why is infertility hidden? We need to talk about it, learn about it, support each other. Why is there shame and judgement from people who do not understand anything about infertility, or even fertility in general.. Over and over and over again we are told, you either try too hard, or not enough, you either eat too much, or not enough, you either party too much, or not enough. 

Collectively, we need to stop, and understand what the real problem is.
I know there are tools available to help me feel more prepared to deal with infertility issues, but they are not readily available, and definitely not talked about. Zero exposure. Zero conversations. 
I refuse to believe I am the failure in this situation. Someone at some stage in my life should have told me what infertility is, and that it can happen to anyone.

cbxo